We tend to be particularly unaware that we are thinking virtually all the time. The incessant stream of thoughts flowing through our minds leaves us very little respite for inner quiet. And we leave precious little room for ourselves anyway just to be, without having to run around doing things all the time. Our actions are all too frequently driven rather than undertaken in awareness, driven by those perfectly ordinary thoughts and impulses that run through the mind like a coursing river, if not a waterfall. We get caught up in the torrent and it winds up submerging our lives as it carries us to places we may not wish to go and may not even realize we are headed for. Meditation means learning how to get out of this current, sit by its bank and listen to it, learn from it, and then use its energies to guide us rather than to tyrannize us.
I’m sorry I’m not good enough for you. I looked up to you and always listened to you coz you never hurt me. You let me put sweet corn on the hook of the fishing line my big brother. You let me see and stroke your rabbits. You never told tales that weren’t true of me. You let me watch you make cakes as the hymn tunes played on the cassette player, my big sister. I remember so little of you both as you left home to pursue your dreams… Just waited in eager anticipation for you to return so I would feel safe once more.
How can you now discard me so easily? You!? You out of all of them? You two I loved. My heart is saddened yet she is right that mother of yours; blood is thicker than water.
By ELISABETH COREY
Dear Inner Child,
You’ve been through so much and I am not sure how you coped. Your strength inspires me with every memory I recover. I know you are the reason we are alive today. And I thank you for all you did to keep going. Sometimes, others ask me how I lived through it and I don’t know the answer.
You carried that burden. And to some extent, you still do.
Unfortunately, some of those approaches you used to stay alive might be setting us back these days. The dissociation, the isolation and the anxiety were perfect coping strategies in an environment of prolonged and inescapable trauma. But we aren’t there anymore. We live in a different world, a more benign world.
Sure, there are still plenty of people who need an attitude adjustment (or much more). And the days when the kids just don’t care about boundaries can be a little rough. But in the current reality, there is safety, the kind you never knew as a child.
And I know you are tired. I know you are tired of the inner battles, the panic attacks and the attempts to thwart situations for which you should never have been responsible. And that is just it. You should not have to understand the adult dilemmas you were once expected to figure out. And I am here to tell you that you don’t have to anymore.
Why? Because there’s an adult here now. Not the kind of adult you are used to. Not the kind of adult that tells you lies, gains your trust and then invades your boundaries. Not the kind of adult that manipulates you to believe that all the pain is your fault.
This is an adult with your best interest in mind. This is an adult that never wants to hurt you. This is me, you, just older. And I want what you want. I want peace.
But peace doesn’t come the way you think it does. It doesn’t come by hiding or avoiding all difficult situations and people. That was the only option you had as a child. And I commend you for using it to stay alive. But today, peace comes from listening to that inner calling, that larger purpose.
Peace comes from standing up for myself and not worrying about what that other person thinks of me, or if they will retaliate later. Peace comes from knowing I am the full expression of my being.
I know you don’t agree. I hear you loud and clear. Some refer to their voice as an inner critic. They even talk about drowning it out or ignoring it. But I know better. I know you are a scared child and you are afraid of changing. You are afraid the change might result in death, or even worse, further abuse. While you may be critical, you are just trying to be protective.
I don’t want to drown you out. I want to work with you. I want to cooperate. I want to use your knowledge to help us grow and become stronger. Your caution is needed. But so is my passion for purpose. And the more we integrate, the closer we will come to the peace we both seek. Because the inner division will never bring peace. And since neither of us can have it completely our way, we will either continue without peace or we will work together. And with peace comes a meaningful life. They are the same. They must be.
So today I appeal to you, my child. And I know you aren’t sure what to think because honestly, nobody has ever appealed to you before. You have always been told what to do. You have always been forced to be someone different. And I know you don’t trust me. But I appeal to you anyway. And I will wait until you can understand that I am not here to manipulate or take advantage of you.
But I would like you to let me take care of that adult stuff that is just too much for a child to take on. I would like you to let go, just a little, so I can do for you what nobody ever did, let you be a child, let you grow and develop in the way you were never allowed. And as you do, all that you are will become who I am. And we will be together, living life in a unified inner world.
And you will finally be able to rest. You will finally be able to close your eyes without fear. You will finally find peace under my wing.
You will be home.
Me … And You xx