A poem I wrote 2/11/08

I hate my life, I hate myself

There are good things that take place

But the bad outweighs the good

Fat more than it should.

Be positive they say to me

You’ve got so much going for you

A wonderful husband, two beautiful kids

I know. I know. It’s just….

Just that they don’t understand

I don’t know where to start to write

About the things that have gone on

In my life, still there – not gone.

I’m blessed with a wonderful memory

That remembers the bad not the good

I cut deep – deeper into my arm

I don’t understand, I just need to harm.

Surely it’s better it’s me that bleeds

I’m poor at cutting deep enough

It must be better, it’s me not them

That hurts inside out, so when…

I cut myself it hurts no one else

Each scar is the deepest of memories

That I can’t explain to woman or man

People! Please understand

It needs to be done for my relief

My eyes are glazed all over

I reach for the blade, prepare myself

And then it flies so fast

I love to see my arm open up

With the bad bad blood coming out

Out comes the badness inside mr flowing

Yet the badness keeps on growing

It’s wrong to cut, it’s wrong I know

I have to hide the marks

Yet I do it because I am so bad, so bad

I hate myself – I feel so sad

It’s just a way of coping with the past

I know I’ll get in trouble

I should talk to someone; anyone

What should I say? I don’t know!

There’s too much to say, they don’t understand

Come and talk before you do this they say

But what can I say? My story’s too long

Again, I’ve done more wrong!

Can anyone help me stop the tide?

Or make the wind not blow?

No, nor can they take away my pain

It’ll always be the same.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s